You know this is the reason. You know this is what it means. I didn’t love Kate. I loved the idea of Kate. I loved the ideal. I loved having a girl I loved. I loved because I loved the idea of being in love.
She will always be my first love. But now, years on, years later, I know more about true love. About people. And I understand, finally, the mistakes I made. The assumptions, the tricks. I understand how I loved her, not as a person, but as a trophy. A signifier.
This story was about me growing up: the journey, not the destination. But I finally know, now, upon finishing it, that it is also about preconceived notions and re-categorizing relationships I never fully understood.
It makes me a little sad.
